For a long time, I struggled. I felt like something (everything) was missing or wrong. I felt like I was from another planet. But, I tried my best to fit in and be happy. It was hard. Really hard.
As time went on things got worse, not better. I got tired of trying. Tired of doing what I was “supposed” to do and not getting the results I expected. I felt lost, lonely, and left out.
Things shifted when I cried uncle and began looking inward instead of outward. In doing this, I started discovering who I was as an individual; my personal values, why I react to things in a certain way, and my genuine beliefs on everything from money, to marriage, to God. I realized the thing that was missing, was me. I was trying to live the way I thought I should, but I wasn’t being authentic to who I was. Then, I had to figure out what that meant.
As I learned more about myself and the world around me, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Many of us do. We want the next step, but we aren’t really sure what that looks like, or even what we want it to look like. We don’t know how to fix this, so we fill the void with passionate-usually terrible-relationships, drugs and alcohol, or jobs that make us tons of money but suck the life out of us. And that works for a while, until shit gets real and we’re forced to live more honestly.
Self-awareness has been my greatest gift. I’m more compassionate with myself and others, I’m clear about my feelings and reactions, and I now know what it means to be honest with myself. It’s been a hard road, but I’m grateful for the insight. I’m not perfect at living an honest life, but I’m getting better all the time.
Self-awareness is the key that opens the door to freedom. -Martin Soulreader
