What does a good life look like to you?
Maybe you don’t know. Maybe you have it all laid out on a vision board down to the gorgeous spouse, 2.5 kids, Golden Retriever, and CEO position at a Fortune 100 company.
Or perhaps, that’s what it looked like before you got exactly what you wanted.
If you can’t answer the question at all or your vision has fallen flat on expectations, it’s time to do a little digging. It may get uncomfortable, but the only way to feel great about your life is to figure out what lights you up and what doesn’t and be honest about it.
The problem is that most of us don’t know where to begin. Worse yet, we feel like we’re being honest with ourselves when in reality, we’re simply repeating the messages we’ve internalized. The expectations of your family, society’s do’s and don’ts, gender stereotypes and religious beliefs are what you learned, not who you are, so there’s a good chance that they don’t line up exactly with what makes you feel happy and content.
And that is perfectly fine!
The conscious and subconscious lessons of our childhood are so embedded that it takes years to peel off the cloaks of dogma surrounding us to get to the core of who we are as individuals. Our true nature. Unfortunately, we aren’t required to take Me 101 in high school or college, nor are we encouraged to ask our parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents about the experiences that shaped their lives and, in turn, ours. Instead, we remain blissfully unaware until we get really stuck or have a full blown existential crisis.
If life doesn’t feel like you think it should, start by asking some questions. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re working on various projects or hanging with friends and family. Do you feel drained, energized or content? Learn more about your family and look closely at what you heard from them and the friends, institutions and media that surrounded you growing up. During this process, slow down or take a hiatus from social media and technology in general as it can heavily skew your perspective. Don’t check out, engage with other humans in real life.
Throughout this process be honest about whether your internalized ideals still fit. Maybe they do and maybe they don’t. And if they don’t, let them go. Yes, it will be tough. It’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that a narrative, belief system, or behavior that’s been reinforced for decades by people you love and respect no longer fits. Especially if you believe there will be backlash.
This is the first step to living in a fulfilled, content way. Aligning every aspect of your life with your own beliefs and expectations will feel amazing, giving you the confidence to navigate the world in a way that works best for you.
We all have our own ‘right time’ to look inward and unpack our bags. Until then, we’re just going through the motions. Waiting for our ‘real’ life to begin, when in fact it it’s happening right now.
This exercise isn’t about blame. It’s not about hanging out in the past. This exercise is about understanding where those internalized beliefs and expectations came from and releasing the ones that don’t make sense to make way for the ones that do. It is about moving forward. Living up to your potential and living in alignment.
Have you started unpacking? What have you discovered? Are the people closest to you supportive? Let me know in the comments below.