I dropped my son off at school this morning and it got me thinking about all the things I’ve learned over the years. Of course there are the subjects you learn in school—language arts, history, social studies, math—and all the lessons and concepts you learn afterwards.
I have to be honest, school was more of a social event for me than anything else. That’s what I was there for. All those aforementioned subjects, well, they were secondary to me. Can you relate? 😆
Throughout this time I was also studying myself. I had a very, very rich inner life. I have no way of knowing if my experience was different from others my age, but there was a lot of conversation and contemplation happening up there. I mean CONSTANTLY. I felt so deeply connected with everything and I couldn’t even begin to explain how I felt.
I wanted to understand this phenomenon and help myself and others my age feel more balanced. That’s why I originally wanted to be an adolescent psychologist.
At the time, I would say that my motivation was centered more on “fixing” rather than understanding and integrating.
As the years passed and I had more elevated personal and professional relationships, studied human behavior, metaphysics, psychology, business, interpersonal dynamics, and personal and professional development, I learned more about myself and the concepts of self-love, self-management, and gratitude, but there was a disconnect.
I was learning about these topics but I was executing life in a way that was not conducive to integrating them. I didn’t get that you can’t be a people pleaser and honor yourself at the same time. That living the way other people expected you to live might not match up with how you want to live (and that’s ok, your way is the “correct” way). And this disconnect, this divide that existed between my internal and external worlds was wreaking havoc. For years I knew I needed to start the integration process but I didn’t know how. I also didn’t realize that throughout that time I was BOLDLY rejecting myself for safety & security as I continued “doing the right thing”.
The Turning Point
You know the story. I changed my life. I reconnected with who I was at my core and gave myself permission to live in a different way. To live in a way that honored myself without reservation. Scary yes, but the inner peace and contentment that came from that decision has been nothing short of miraculous.
But that wasn’t until my late 30s/early 40s. I didn’t understand the power that existed in committing to self first. To loving self first. When you honor yourself first you don’t have to seek to be loved, understood or seen. You just are. It brings a level of confidence that is deeply healing. It also brings relationships that are more aligned. Jobs that feel better. Everything about life is better because when you love and accept yourself FIRST, when you know who you are and what feels good to you there is no hiding. No trying to be something you aren’t. You are seen the way you want to be seen because you are showing the real you from the beginning. Automatically uploading that positive energy to the universal pool we all tap into. Subconsciously raising the vibration aka frequency of the world we live in. Simply by existing.
Moving Forward
This process has felt simultaneously very hard and suspiciously easy. I mean, be myself, come on. That sounds a little too hooey fooey or touchy feely doesn’t it?
That’s why it takes so long for us to get to this place of true self-love. Because we don’t believe that can possibly be the answer. We are conditioned to believe that we need to fight and compete for everything including self-love and inner peace. (Once you hear it out loud it sounds pretty ridiculous, right?) Detaching ourselves from this messaging can be really difficult, and worth it.
If there is one thing I can offer young people who are struggling it would be this: Keep your focus on learning who YOU are and what feels good to YOU. Be honest about who YOU are and what feels good to YOU. Lean into YOUR curiosities and take action on them. You will not find true peace externally. It only exists within.
Along the way you will find your people, your work, your way of contributing to the world.
It really is that easy.
Be sure to share this with someone you think could benefit from this message.
Until next time,
Stephanie
P.S. If you want to continue on your journey of self discovery and personal growth become a become a Be Revealed BETA Squad member. Learn more and sign up here.